Network post - audio

[manofiron]

[ Ordinary people might at least introduce themselves when making their first public address to whoever's out there on the other end of an unfamiliar network. Not Tony. In lieu of an introduction, or anything approaching a greeting, he says only this: ]

Okay. Seriously. What do you people do for fun around here?

[ The quiet sound of a sigh can be heard, followed by an under the breath mutter. ]

This place is killing me.

Comments

[manofiron]

Which one's doing the talking? The tree or the monkeys?

[element_wizard]

The monkeys.

Trees can't talk.

[There's a pause.]

Okay. That's a lie. There are trees that can talk. But this one can't.

I met a guy once who fell out of a tree when it talked to him, he was so surprised. It turned out the tree was delusional and thought it could talk.

[Alec's life is weird.]

[manofiron]

Okay, I'm going to reevaluate my previous assessment. You're not drunk. You're high.

Very, very high.

[element_wizard]

I'm not the one who had the conversation with the delusional tree. I just talked to the guy.

And I'm not high. My life is really just that weird.

[manofiron]

Mine's not exactly normal either. I just don't, you know, talk to monkey trees in my spare time.

[element_wizard]

[Audible sigh.]

I'm not talking to the tree. I'm talking to the monkeys in the tree. This tree can't talk.

[manofiron]

Monkeys can't talk either. Not unless it's Caesar or Doctor Zaius or Cornelius or something equally rise of the apes.

[element_wizard]

Because you've gone to every single possible world and learned that yes, monkeys don't talk.

You might as well say the Norse gods don't exist.

[There's a hint of mischief in his eyes as he says that.]

[manofiron]

[ That prompts a snort. ]

As such, no, they don't. As backwards space aliens with Shakespearean proclivities, yes. Yes, they do.

[element_wizard]

I always thought of them more as on a separate dimension personally.

Also, I like the juxtaposition of space aliens with backwards.

[manofiron]

You ever meet Thor, you'll see what I mean. Guy's still adjusting the wonderful world of electricity.

[element_wizard]

It all depends on your view of societal norms.

I know where I grew up we didn't exactly have a concept of electricity however we did have indoor lighting. We just used magic instead. Does that make us backwards or just used replacement?

[manofiron]

You do magic? That's what you're saying. Magic's a thing for you?

[element_wizard]

Yes. It's very much a thing for me.

[manofiron]

Real magic? Or pseudoscience magic?

[element_wizard]

[There's a pause as he thinks about that one for a moment.]

What's your definition of real magic vs pseudoscience magic?

[manofiron]

Magic that's only magic because our technology isn't there yet. That's how I'd define pseudoscience magic. Real magic? I don't know, I've never seen it. I guess that sort of crap the fairy tales tell us exists. That'd be more convincing as real magic.

[element_wizard]

Oh. Then I do real magic. Hell, my magic is from fairies.

[manofiron]

Little pixies? Glittery Tinkerbells? Those kind of fairies?

[element_wizard]

[There's a long, uncomfortable silence on Alec's end before he responds.]

No. More like the traditional fey that cause people to hang up horseshoes as protection and speak of them in terms so that they won't be notice. The ones that ride the Wild Hunt and chase people down for sport because they see humanity as just animals at best and toys at worst.

Those fey.

[The idea of being descended from something like Tinkerbell is very disconcerting for Alec. He knew if he were to ever bring it up back home everyone would want to know what sort of drugs he was on.]

[manofiron]

So fangy hell-spawn fairies. That's what you're going for here?

[ He's heard strange things in his life. Not quite as strange as this, but strange enough that he doesn't feel too terribly addled by it. ]

So why'd they give you magic if they'd rather eat you?

[element_wizard]

[Pause.]

Not like that. Take Tolkien's elves and make them evil and more magical. Like kinda Malificant in Disney's Sleeping Beauty.

As for why they gave us magic is because they needed cannon fodder in a war.

[Which makes one wonder what kind of war was it that they needed such things.]

[manofiron]

[ At least that's a reference that Tony understands. ]

So Legolas took the ring from Frodo, took over Beauty's kingdom, and started practicing the Dark Arts. Okay. I can, well, I can work with that.

[ He has Opinions about wars. He will try not to get into them now. ]

I'm guessing that whole cannon fodder plan didn't work out so well for them.

[element_wizard]

Erm. Something like that.

[If something like that was utterly wrong.]

Oh. It worked out perfectly. We won. And then they got bored of us and kicked us out of fairy.

[manofiron]

That was the goal then? To get kicked out? Where did you go?