stepsideways | The Funereal

They had decided to do something simple. Anyone who wanted would get up and say something nice about Alec. Then, when they were done, they'd bury him.

Jane's eyes go painfully wide when she hears the thumping. At first, she thinks that the person standing there in front of the coffin has accidentally thumped the box. Not classy, but it happens.

But that doesn't seem to be the case, and she puts her hands over her mouth, thinking about all the things Misery had said about dead people and skeletons and coming back.

She has clearly made a horrible mistake.

Edited 2013-04-19 01:08 (UTC)

Misery hadn't had much to say about Alec ("He was okay, I guess"), but one can hardly blame her for being more withdrawn than usual. It seems silly, this "funeral" nonsense; why is everyone so convinced that Alec isn't going to come back any moment now?

When the thumping begins, she isn't surprised. She does, however, have the good graces to not say that she told them so. "Someone should let him out."

The banshee-thing girl is too short to be of much help.

Shirley had been standing on the other side of the coffin, giving Alec what eulogy could be given. Sure, she didn't know very much about him, but he had been so full of life! And he had made the dreary little town more colorful and exciting with his very presence! And, let's face it, he had been the first person to be nice to her when she had arrived. Emotionality might not be her strong suit, but she could be sappy and eloquent when the need arose.

"And so it is with sadness in our hearts that we--"

THUMP. THUMPTHUMPTHUMP.

This is only the second time since coming here that something has made Shirley actually visibly jump. And scream. And maybe hide behind the podium a little.

"You guys, this is going to sound crazy, but I'm not one hundred percent willing to rule out zombies right now. Does anyone have a weapon on hand?"

There's more thumping and some muffled cursing. What sort of fucking idiot...

He can't get enough leverage to push himself out and he doesn't want to blow it up because he doesn't know who is out there and his teleporting appears to be on its regularly scheduled it would make life less interesting if he could teleport out of this fritz.

"Who brings weapons to a funeral?" Jane asks, getting to her feet and glancing across the crowd. She sees Lin in the audience, however. She'd bring weapons to a funeral, because her weapons were her hands.

"We have to let him out before he suffocates," she decides, gesturing for help and pushing up on the coffin lid.

Conan is staring at the coffin and attempting to come up with possible explanations.

"Zombies aren't real. But something that could be mistaken for that might be possible. Or is it possible that an animal has become trapped in there?"

But his fingers are slowly reaching for the special button on his belt.

While everyone is debating zombies and other possibilities, Misery is growing increasingly concerned about the fact that no one is doing anything to, say, open the coffin. This is something that must be addressed.

Loudly.

"Let him out already! What if he's claustrophobic? Being in a coffin is NOT FUN." After a thoughtful beat: "Althooough... I suppose it depends on the circumstances."

In the space of only a couple of seconds, Shirley had graduated from the 'embarrassing squeaking' stage to... somehow producing a crowbar. Don't worry, it probably isn't hers - she probably 'borrowed' it from the undertaker's shed. Who knows what he was doing with it. In any case, it's kind of the practical thing to do, since coffins are usually nailed shut, for reasons that should be obvious.

Anyway, she doesn't say anything for a little while, just prying the lid up and thinking about what Misery said, until:

"... If it really is Alec - and he doesn't try to eat our brains or anything - do you think he'll want to keep the coffin?"

Edited 2013-04-20 06:09 (UTC)

"It would make a great souvenir. Or bed. Or even a coffee table!"

She's being helpful.

"LET ME OUT!!" Alec snaps and thumps more.

Jane rolls her eyes and helps Shirley with the prying. She won't even ask where the crowbar came from. At least, not until later.

Later, there would be many questions.

Such as how the hell are you alive? Or would that come right now?

When the cover finally pops open he sits up and looks around with a bit of a wild gaze. "What the hell happened? Why am I in a coffin?"

Edited 2013-04-22 06:45 (UTC)

"They thought you were dead," Misery answers monotonously, gesturing around in a vague way that doesn't really narrow down who they could be. "Dead-dead. Suffocated-by-ash-and-burnt-by-hot-surges-and-buried-under-layers-of-volcanic-debris dead."

Edited 2013-04-23 02:27 (UTC)

He pauses briefly. "I had that happen to me once. It was awkward."

She brightens... as much as she can. "Was it Pompeii? My great-great-great-really-great grandmother was there!"

Edited (for fail) 2013-04-23 03:08 (UTC)

That is... kinda disturbing. And if it disturbs Alec, that's saying something.

"Nooo... I don't believe so. It wasn't on Earth."

Aaand she's sad again. "Oh. Okay."

You may all resume your conversations.

Jane might still be in shock. She boggles at Alec a bit more and finally says, "We thought you were dead. I mean, I took a look, you seemed pretty... yeah."

A coffin seemed reasonable at the time. Now she's beginning to think she should have listened to Misery, and since she'd like to keep being sane, she's going to stop thinking about it.

Alec checks himself out briefly.

"Oh. I think I was dead."

Ruby is dressed up in her Monday best and carrying a tray of perky goth cupcakes.

"It's not much of a party, is it?" she asks.

"Not really, I guess they're sad he's gone." Keldar is now going to steal... we mean take a cupcake.

When the thumping starts he's going to hightail it out of there, but for now...

Misery comes with Ruby, bearing her own tray of... well. They're cookies, but most people might mistake them for briquettes. (Old family recipe.)

"I don't get it."

"On most worlds, people die and don't come back," Shirley explained matter-of-factly, taking a cupcake. (She's not sure if Misery's cookies are edible.) If she had realized beforehand that this was going to be a potluck funeral she would have brought some whiskey - the obvious and traditional funerary drink, and really the only thing other than milk that you can use to wash down cupcakes.

"We kind of like it that way."

"Not if it's done properly, at least."

She frowned at Keldar. "I'm a little surprised that you haven't been arrested on suspicion of murder."

But not too surprised - anyone could see that Keldar was way too much of a loser to kill anyone. She hoped that was why he had gone unmolested and not just because Lin had simply not gotten around to compiling a list of suspects yet. Not that she cared - it wasn't her investigation, right? None of her business whatsoever.

He snorts. "As if I would even bother. Too messy. I may hate the guy, but I wouldn't kill him. That sort of thing gets you noticed."

He's too much of a looser. Really. And coward.

Ruby frowns. "But he hasn't actually gone anywhere," she says. "He's right there in that box."

Misery chimes in with, "He can probably hear every word we're saying, too."

She's looking at you, Keldar.

He gives her a flat look. "People don't come back from the dead except in stories."

"That's just silly." Ruby smiles, both exasperated and amused. "Of course they do!"

The Funereal

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before the thumping

Re: before the thumping

before the thumping

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